Why Cochlear Americas?

Several posts ago, I mentioned I was leaning towards Advanced Bionics.  That is no longer true.  I feel the choice is very personal.  I also feel no one, and I mean no one, should try to persuade you or force you to choose a particular brand.  And once you have decided, you should be supported.  That's my 2 cents.  And I felt it was necessary to say because if anyone on their own implant journey ever finds this blog, I want them to feel rest assured that which ever manufacturer they choose, it WILL be a good one.

Moving on.  I am choosing Cochler Americas.  This is what the system looks like:



Nucleus Freedom system

The major components of the Nucleus Freedom system are:

Cochlear implant (A)

Coil (B)

Sound processor (C)

This is how it works:

 

Speechless

I do not have the words to express how I am feeling today.  The outpouring of love and support I have receieved is just incredible.  I am so fortunate to count some of the highest quality people on earth as my friends and family.

This blog was set up a couple of years ago with the intent to help me keep perspective on hearing loss.  And I hoped that one day someone struggling with accepting their loss would find this blog and feel peace.  Never did I dream that it would be a tool to be understood.  I didn't realize it would be a way for me to connect with the closest people in my life.  But that's what has happened this last week as I have opened myself up to share it.

Truly, thank you all for being a part of my journey.  May each of you feel as supported and loved in your challenges as I have in mine :)

Reversed!

My insurance changed their decision.  I am APPROVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Surgery date is scheduled for December 20th!!

Humbled

Though this morning started out with some disheartening news, I'm feeling very much at peace.  As the day has progressed, I've learned more and more how big of an army I have behind me.  I feel so overwhelmed at the support I am getting.  Not only from my amazing family and friends but from the professionals.  Cochlear Americas has been absolutely incredible.  My implant team has gone above and beyond.  More and more organizations are getting involved in the fight.  My case just may pave the way for others in Utah to get an implant with my insurance.

The latest news is that the Dr who reviewed my cochlear implant request and denied it did not understand the audiology exams.  He mixed them up, thus the test scores affected my eligibility to be implanted.  My own Dr, the surgeon, figured this out and requested a peer to peer review.  It's a bit scary, in my opinion, that the Dr who had the power to approve or deny me didn't even understand how to read an audiology exam.  So my surgeon and a rep from insurance who has a similar degree, background and experience have set up a conference to discuss this.  My implant team is hopeful that the denial may be reversed.  Of course all of this takes time.  And since the clock is ticking, my army is working day and night.

While my doctor is working on this, Cochlear Americas may be calling in some pretty big powers to be.  Realistically, if my insurance doesn't get their act together, they are going down.  It may not be this month or next year, but they are going down.  They now have national multibillion dollar organizations who are ready to pounce them.

I can't even begin to explain how full of gratitude my heart is.  Not because I want anyone going down.  But because I am not alone in this battle anymore.  I still don't know if it's going to happen this month but my army is keeping my surgery date on December 20th.  They are determined to make it happen.

Denied

My husband called our insurance company this morning and was informed that our request for a cochlear implant was denied.  They are being sooooo difficult.  Of course it is discouraging but I am still hopeful.  My surgeon and Cochlear Americas is on top of things and trying to work some magic to still make things work out.  There is a slight chance of hope I believe.

My "Come to Jesus" Moment

So, as I'm sure it's been obvious to everyone, I've been pretty discouraged.  Bordering on depression even.  I now struggle ALOT at work.  This is bad.  When you are a therapist, you MUST hear.  Those ugly feelings of uselessness are roaring.  Once I made the decision to get an implant, I wanted it done NOW.  Well, life doesn't work like that.  So as I've been going through the evaluation process again, still without having any answers about it actually happening, I've been losing hope.

I was driving home in a recent snow storm late at night.  I couldn't see a thing.  As I was driving super slow trying to figure out if I was in an actual freeway lane, I was anxiously searching for anything that would guide my driving.  As I stared at the road, I finally began to see an occasional white line, marking the lane division.  Every several feet I would see a line.  I would either know I was still within my lane or I would course correct to go back into my lane.  As I was thinking about this, I realized that my feelings of hopelessness along my implant journey have been due to me not seeing any "white lines."  I felt I was navigating this journey alone with nothing to guide me.  I challenged my thinking (that's a good therapy technique by the way) and began thinking about all the things along the way that have kept me going.  There were actually a lot.  Mostly, the white lines of this journey have been the people in my life.  My co-workers have given me "white lines" by validating me, praying for me, building me up and accomodating me.  My in-laws have given me "white lines" by being mindful of me, still trying to talk to me and praying for me.  My family has given me "white lines" by asking questions, being patient and remaining involved in the journey.  Marie, the rep from Cochlear Americas, has provided "white lines" by researching my insurance and finding a way.  Also, by her constant follow up.  My husband has given me "white lines" by joining me in the journey and making phone calls to follow up.  My children have provided white lines as they tell me often "Mommy, I love you soooooooo much."  As I realized how much people cared about me and how invested people were in my hearing, my feelings of hopelessness left me.  My new thoughts (also a good therapy technique :) became "surely all this combined faith will yield answers from my loving Heavenly Father and I will be taken care of."  Also, I was filled with peace that things would work out.  Maybe, not in the ways I think it will, but still, it will all work out.  I do not feel discouraged anymore.  I know it's going to be okay.

An update

Well, another evaluation is underway.  But I am no closer to knowing if an implant is in my immediate future.  Still waiting on my insurance to pre-authorize it.  We recently found out that we are changing insurance providers on January 1st and the new provider will not cover any amount of an implant.  So we have until the end of this year to get this done.  No pressure, eh?

Honestly, the evaluation process this time around has been super hard on me.  First, I met the surgeon.  He determined I was a candidate but couldn't tell me anything about the insurance/financial aspect of it.  Second, I had met with the audiologist.  Really like her.  However, they (don't ask who they is because I don't know, someone in the implant world) changed the tests that were required to determine eligibility.  Last October, my test scores on the HINT were 19% and I was shocked.  That's the test in which I wear my hearing aids and listen to sentences from a speaker in the wall.  You have to get below 50% to qualify for an implant.  My score, obviously, qualified me as depressing as it was to score that low.  However, the tests have changed in the last year.  The Audi warned me but I had no way of preparing for what would come through that speaker in the wall.  I don't even know how to describe it.  It was humiliating.  Just sounds like static and mumbles came out.  There was absolutely no sound I could make sense of.  The Audi said "just guess the best you can."  You have to have something to go on to guess.  I just stared at the speaker willing my brain to make sense of the words.  I moved closer to the speaker.  The Audi said that was "cheating" and I couldn't get closer to the speaker.  It was so long.  It lasted soooooo long.  Both ears were tested, just the right and just the left.  Then the Audi said I had to do it again but this time there would be noise in the background and it was a test that got progressively harder, to the point that those with normal hearing can not hear.  I knew I was doomed when it started.  Again, no comprehension.

Well, obviously, I qualified for an implant.  Again.  But this time I felt incompetent.  How can I function like I have been daily and not be able to pick up any sounds in this ridiculous test.  I got a bit insecure and wanted to tell the Audi that I had a Masters degree and that my brain worked, like I had to prove myself.  I kept my mouth shut.  No need to prove myself.  Being prideful isn't going to get me anywhere.  And what were my scores, you wonder?  Less than 1%.  That was hard to swallow.

Then we had to talk about my expectations and my ability to rehabilitate myself.  All of this and I still didn't know if I could get an implant.

I am waiting on the insurance/scheduling coordinator to get back to me about insurance approval.  In the mean time, I am proceeding with the other tests, though it does feel a little bit in vain.  I went and got my shot to immunize me against Meningitis.  I know I am a wimp, but that was incredibly painful.  It still is.  I hope my arm feels normal again one day and that I can move it without wincing in pain.  I am going to choose to blame the nurse on this one.  I really don't think it should have hurt that much.

Also, I did the balance test.  Yeah, that was fun.  I don't even want to talk about that one!  So after each test, I keep hoping to learn that this is still a possibility for me and that it can happen within the next month or so.  Not knowing isn't exactly keeping me positive and encouraged.  Thankfully I have this gi-normous support group that is staying positive and helping me in my moments of discouragement.  There is a woman who works for Cochlear Americas that has been a HUGE adovocate on my behalf.  I am so grateful to her.  So, so grateful.

I'm hoping they can use the MRI from last year so I don't have to undergo that one again.  I will have to meet with the surgeon again but I think I've completed all my part.

While driving home from the balance test and feeling discouraged, I did some soul searching.  Asking myself if I really wanted to become part machine.  If I really wanted to undergo a surgery.  If I really wanted to get an implant.  The answer was obvious.  Yes.  Yes.  This is what I want.  This is what I need and I won't stop fighting for it.  The world is a hearing world and I am NOT giving it up!!