Today was my Post-op follow up with the surgeon. I am very happy with the way it went! We took the doctor's whole morning talking about lots of things, including what happened in surgery. And the end result is that both Evan and I again feel this was the right doctor for me. We think as he continues to gain experience, he will be absolutely fantastic.
Basically, there was a very high chance I would have left that OR without an implant. Dr acknolwedged that the problem was he did not make the hole big enough in the cochlea as he was trying to do the "soft approach" which means he was trying to preserve my hearing. He said he made the hole 5 millimeters. I just looked that up. It's .019 of an inch. When he put the first implant in, it started to go in but he met resistance. He said that if you meet resistance, you have to stop. And once you start to put an implant in, taking it out damages it due to the wire in the electrode array. Apparently you take the wire out as you insert it but can't put the wire back in. All very interesting things to learn. So anyways because it started to go in, he thought it was a problem with the device. So he tried the second one. It wouldn't go in at all. That's when he knew he would have to make the hole bigger. So he made the hole 1 millimeters big. Which is .039 of an inch. Who on earth came up with this device?? Gotta research that one. This is crazy stuff to insert a device through such small openings! Anyways, the 3rd device went in wonderfully.
The Dr talked about his feelings in the OR (which I eat up cuz after all I am a therapist and always feel more comfortable with a person if I know how they are feeling :). He was supremely frustrated with himself for not figuring out the hole was too small after the first implant. I love that he admitted this. And I think that's why when he went to speak with Evan, he was shaky. He told me to ask the Audi, when I see her next week, about how he was feeling. She was in surgery with him the whole time. He said she commented "Well, I am glad you kept being diligent." I don't know if he wanted to give up, but I wonder how many surgeons would try again? He tried again and of course everyone knows that worked well.
He also said he's gone over it and over it in his head and on paper. He talked about what he learned and totally validated my feelings when I expressed how I was feeling about it. I am mourning that 2nd implant a little bit but I truly do think everything happened as it needed to. My time for the 2nd implant will come. I need to focus on healing and hearing with the first!
We also talked about the facial nerve and the taste nerve and how close they are together and how he has to drill in between these two nerves. That caused a little complication as the space between mine is very narrow and he was super concerned about the nerves. He was also concerned about my inner ear causing balance issues, especially with 3 tries of an implant. There was a super, super high risk of my inner ear being damaged, causing vertigo. When I told him I haven't been dizzy at all, he was very relieved.
Random side note, but I'll bring it back, don't you worry. I remember when an airline (Jetblue I think) had problems with their landing gear. They weren't able to land properly. But the pilot still skillfully landed that plane and everyone was safe. Lots of people said they didn't want to fly that airline after that because of the damaged landing wheels could mean a bigger problem with the planes. But one of my dearest friends said "I am always going to fly Jetblue now. I want an airline that can handle equipment and technical problems, because of course they are going to happen!"
I've thought a lot about that pilot landing that plane. I agree with my friend. I would want a pilot skilled in handling issues as they arise over a plane that seems to be perfect but has a pilot unskilled in equipment issues.
That's how I feel about my surgeon. He tried 3 devices but did not damage my inner ear. He had a very narrow space to work with in between nerves but did not damage or negatively affect either one. I feel like he is skilled and that he can handle issues as they arise. I would prefer a surgeon who takes the time to know me and work in my behalf (remember he called my insurance company) as well as not give up in the operating room over a surgeon who has done 500 implants and doesn't give me the time of day. So all in all, we are happy.
Now......8 more days until activation! Bring on the shrill voices, beeps and electronic noise! And by the way, I am feeling better. Still can't handle the demands of my toddlers (as was proven just today) for longer than an hour or so. But this will get better. Dr told me to not do a thing for 2 weeks. That's hard to do when you have young kids!
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Monday, December 26, 2011
The Light at the End of the Anesthetic Tunnel
It's been 6 days since I've been well enough to sit and type. I think today I've turned a corner. Thank goodness for my smart phone that has kept me sane in my alert moments!
On AB's website I found the following :
"Cochlear implantations are routinely straightforward, typically taking two to four hours. Because the procedure is done under general anesthesia, you’ll spend additional time in the preparation and recovery areas. You may or may not stay the night at the hospital, but you’ll be back to your normal routine within a few days."
I've spent a lot of time preparing for an implant. It wasn't a decision I made lightly. As part of that preparation, I read and read and read about the device, surgery, recovery and activation as well as the rehab needed. I find it interesting that nothing I read prepared me for what I've felt the last 6 days. For some reason, I got it in my head that recovery would be easier than my 2 csections were. That's not true. My husband and I both feel that my csections were way easier on my body than the implant surgery.
We attribute that to the general anesthesia that I had to be on for the implant surgery. Since there were complications, I was on anesthesia longer than normal. 6 hours. However, at the risk of sounding too negative, I must also say that I have been extremely blessed in the risk department. My side effects are from the anesthetic, not from the surgery itself. Sure my newly implanted titanium accessories have made my head heavy. Sure I get headaches easier than normal (especially when I cry, which unfortunately has happened a lot lately) and I've got a little ear pain but really, it's not bad. Hate the prescription pain med. They won't let me have my ibuprofen. So I've been halving the pain meds and only taking it a couple times a day. But as I mentioned before, I haven't been dizzy and I have been able to taste.
What I have been experiencing is incredible weakness, negative sleep patterns, inability to concentrate and something else I can't put my finger on. Something big that makes me feel so out of touch with reality and with myself. Delusional isn't the right word. Though I have thought a lot about people with Schizoprhenia the last week. Loopy isn't quite the right word. I don't know what it is. But I don't like it. And I don't like that I can't identify it. And whatever "it" is, it's been made worse by my inability to sleep soundly. I feel like when I sleep it's a hyperalert state of sleep and my brain is way active and gives me all kinds of awful dreams. I feel awake when I sleep but when I actually wake up, I feel panicky. Maybe "it" is just simply anxiety. I am so badly craving good sleep.
However, I think I have turned a corner. I've been able to sit up at the computer now for about 30 minutes and I'm still okay. I haven't had to take a pain pill in about 20 hours. My thoughts are okay. I'm slightly annoyed that people don't talk about what recovery is like. Maybe my body is just weird and it's harder on me than every other implantee out there. But uh, I most definitely am not back to my routine within a "few days."
I'm so grateful for all the tender mercies that have helped me these last few days. No matter how bad I feel, I have hope underneath it and I am often reminded of all of those in my army :) And crazy as this sounds, though I have had doubts the last few days, most definitely I would put my self through this again if needed. Because there is a purpose to it. And I am so determined to make that purpose work for me. Even though it took 3 tries to get the implant in, this device IS going to work.
I'm out of steam. Later I'll post my version of the surgery day. Back to bed for me. Love to all. And I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas.
p.s. I just woke up from a power nap. Slept about 45 minutes. My dream wasn't scary, it was just intense. But I can identify something else now that is affecting me. When I'm waking up, I feel exactly like I did after surgery, trying to wake up in the recovery room. I feel this deep heaviness on my body and in my soul. Like I'm so deep, I can't wake properly. So I have this feeling for a good couple of hours after I wake up from a nap or from sleep in the morning. Which I think is getting better because I used to feel it all the time. So I'm adding a new feeling to the list of trying to recover from anesthesia-- heavy!
On AB's website I found the following :
"Cochlear implantations are routinely straightforward, typically taking two to four hours. Because the procedure is done under general anesthesia, you’ll spend additional time in the preparation and recovery areas. You may or may not stay the night at the hospital, but you’ll be back to your normal routine within a few days."
I've spent a lot of time preparing for an implant. It wasn't a decision I made lightly. As part of that preparation, I read and read and read about the device, surgery, recovery and activation as well as the rehab needed. I find it interesting that nothing I read prepared me for what I've felt the last 6 days. For some reason, I got it in my head that recovery would be easier than my 2 csections were. That's not true. My husband and I both feel that my csections were way easier on my body than the implant surgery.
We attribute that to the general anesthesia that I had to be on for the implant surgery. Since there were complications, I was on anesthesia longer than normal. 6 hours. However, at the risk of sounding too negative, I must also say that I have been extremely blessed in the risk department. My side effects are from the anesthetic, not from the surgery itself. Sure my newly implanted titanium accessories have made my head heavy. Sure I get headaches easier than normal (especially when I cry, which unfortunately has happened a lot lately) and I've got a little ear pain but really, it's not bad. Hate the prescription pain med. They won't let me have my ibuprofen. So I've been halving the pain meds and only taking it a couple times a day. But as I mentioned before, I haven't been dizzy and I have been able to taste.
What I have been experiencing is incredible weakness, negative sleep patterns, inability to concentrate and something else I can't put my finger on. Something big that makes me feel so out of touch with reality and with myself. Delusional isn't the right word. Though I have thought a lot about people with Schizoprhenia the last week. Loopy isn't quite the right word. I don't know what it is. But I don't like it. And I don't like that I can't identify it. And whatever "it" is, it's been made worse by my inability to sleep soundly. I feel like when I sleep it's a hyperalert state of sleep and my brain is way active and gives me all kinds of awful dreams. I feel awake when I sleep but when I actually wake up, I feel panicky. Maybe "it" is just simply anxiety. I am so badly craving good sleep.
However, I think I have turned a corner. I've been able to sit up at the computer now for about 30 minutes and I'm still okay. I haven't had to take a pain pill in about 20 hours. My thoughts are okay. I'm slightly annoyed that people don't talk about what recovery is like. Maybe my body is just weird and it's harder on me than every other implantee out there. But uh, I most definitely am not back to my routine within a "few days."
I'm so grateful for all the tender mercies that have helped me these last few days. No matter how bad I feel, I have hope underneath it and I am often reminded of all of those in my army :) And crazy as this sounds, though I have had doubts the last few days, most definitely I would put my self through this again if needed. Because there is a purpose to it. And I am so determined to make that purpose work for me. Even though it took 3 tries to get the implant in, this device IS going to work.
I'm out of steam. Later I'll post my version of the surgery day. Back to bed for me. Love to all. And I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas.
p.s. I just woke up from a power nap. Slept about 45 minutes. My dream wasn't scary, it was just intense. But I can identify something else now that is affecting me. When I'm waking up, I feel exactly like I did after surgery, trying to wake up in the recovery room. I feel this deep heaviness on my body and in my soul. Like I'm so deep, I can't wake properly. So I have this feeling for a good couple of hours after I wake up from a nap or from sleep in the morning. Which I think is getting better because I used to feel it all the time. So I'm adding a new feeling to the list of trying to recover from anesthesia-- heavy!
Friday, December 23, 2011
My Favorites
My 3 year old daughter has taken on the role of my walking buddy. She will hold my hand and gently lead me around the room.
My two year old son has taken on the role of checking on me. When he can get away with it, he will run into my room, come to the side of the recliner and pat me. When the sitter of the moment comes to get him, he turns to me and says "wuv you."
Love them. So much.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Dreams
I have been asleep a lot the last two days. Just realized something. When I dream, I wake up panicky. I can't hear what people are saying in my dreams. That's what makes me panic. Didn't realize I did that. Weird. Thought my anxiety was increasing as I aged but I think its just hearing related. Wonder if that will continue.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Mind Awake
Much to say but no energy to say it. I am so happy.
And bonus, no taste disturbance. No balance issues. No facial paralysis. Just tired and a little out of it.
I will write details later. I am so happy.
The Day After
Kristel is doing great! She was able to fall asleep last night and slept the night through...so I thought. I told her to wake me if she woke and needed help getting to the bathroom or if she needed anything. I must have totally been out of it because I didn't hear her or wake the two times she got up - on her own! I was a little upset with that, but she said she felt good enough to do it on her own.
Today she's been more coherent, but still taking it easy. She's been asleep most of the day and only wakes to eat and take pain meds. She just told me that she's hearing a lot of ringing in her right ear (implant ear) and she believes the residual hearing is going bye bye in that ear from what she read about it.
Tonight we get to take off the dressings around her head, which will help make her a little more comfortable. Both the doctor and surgical center called today to follow up to make sure everything was okay. There was a possibility that the doc wanted to see her today, but since she's doing so well - no nausea or dizziness - we'll just be going in next week for the scheduled follow up. Her balance isn't even off!
I am glad the doctor recommended that I stay home today with her instead of going to work. Kristel is also glad and thankful for that, but I hate the fact of feeling bad for missing work! Which is why I hope my home-based internet marketing business prospers, but that's another post for another day on a different blog.
More to come...
Today she's been more coherent, but still taking it easy. She's been asleep most of the day and only wakes to eat and take pain meds. She just told me that she's hearing a lot of ringing in her right ear (implant ear) and she believes the residual hearing is going bye bye in that ear from what she read about it.
Tonight we get to take off the dressings around her head, which will help make her a little more comfortable. Both the doctor and surgical center called today to follow up to make sure everything was okay. There was a possibility that the doc wanted to see her today, but since she's doing so well - no nausea or dizziness - we'll just be going in next week for the scheduled follow up. Her balance isn't even off!
I am glad the doctor recommended that I stay home today with her instead of going to work. Kristel is also glad and thankful for that, but I hate the fact of feeling bad for missing work! Which is why I hope my home-based internet marketing business prospers, but that's another post for another day on a different blog.
More to come...
God's Plan For Us
Well we are safely home and Kristel is all snug in bed resting. She was able to eat a few saltine crackers and some water to take some pain meds, but soon became wide awake where at the hospital and on the way home she tried, but couldn't. I guess the anesthesia are finally wearing off. Kristel was able to read all of my text messages that I'd sent out to the family and the previous blog posts.
When I went to see Kristel in the recovery room, the first thing she asked me was, "why one?" Meaning, obviously, why only one implant. She was very groggy and totally out of it and didn't want to overwhelm her so I waited for the doctor and for her to wake a little more. When the doctor did come in, he explained everything to her and the difficulties of the surgery. He said it was a combination of her anatomy and his technique. From what I gathered, he did the surgery a different way than the traditional way, which tries and saves some of the residual hearing and not having such a large incision. He admitted his mistakes that were done and how he was able to "figure it out" the third time around...which solidifies my belief of his inexperience.
Leave it to Kristel to look for a Higher meaning of why things went down the way they did. She told me that she felt everything went exactly as it was supposed to. She continued to say even though that our doctor was young and inexperienced he was supposed to perform the surgery. For some reason Kristel needed him and he needed Kristel. Then she gave me some insight that I hadn't thought of before. She said, "I am SO THANKFUL that we were approved and decided upon the bilateral implants because we had a total of four devices [a backup for each ear]. If we had only decided on one implant initially, he would've messed up the one and the back up leaving me without an implant!"
One of the things that attracted me to Kristel so many years ago was her spirituality and ability to feel God's guiding hand in her life. I have no doubt that God is and was fully aware of what did and is going to happen, and such, laid out a plan to have it work out for Kristel to have at least one implant. She feels that she was only meant to have one and it worked out according to God's plan. I am thankful that there was no damage to the facial nerve or otherwise and trust God that she will have a speedy and healthy recovery.
When I went to see Kristel in the recovery room, the first thing she asked me was, "why one?" Meaning, obviously, why only one implant. She was very groggy and totally out of it and didn't want to overwhelm her so I waited for the doctor and for her to wake a little more. When the doctor did come in, he explained everything to her and the difficulties of the surgery. He said it was a combination of her anatomy and his technique. From what I gathered, he did the surgery a different way than the traditional way, which tries and saves some of the residual hearing and not having such a large incision. He admitted his mistakes that were done and how he was able to "figure it out" the third time around...which solidifies my belief of his inexperience.
Leave it to Kristel to look for a Higher meaning of why things went down the way they did. She told me that she felt everything went exactly as it was supposed to. She continued to say even though that our doctor was young and inexperienced he was supposed to perform the surgery. For some reason Kristel needed him and he needed Kristel. Then she gave me some insight that I hadn't thought of before. She said, "I am SO THANKFUL that we were approved and decided upon the bilateral implants because we had a total of four devices [a backup for each ear]. If we had only decided on one implant initially, he would've messed up the one and the back up leaving me without an implant!"
One of the things that attracted me to Kristel so many years ago was her spirituality and ability to feel God's guiding hand in her life. I have no doubt that God is and was fully aware of what did and is going to happen, and such, laid out a plan to have it work out for Kristel to have at least one implant. She feels that she was only meant to have one and it worked out according to God's plan. I am thankful that there was no damage to the facial nerve or otherwise and trust God that she will have a speedy and healthy recovery.
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