My thoughts on Christmas Vacation

"Blindness separates you from things. Deafness separates you from people." -- Helen Keller

Change of Heart

For the last few years, thinking about getting a CI filled me with dread. What a horrible thing to implant metal into your head.

These last few weeks I have spent hours and hours researching implants. Hours. It's a big deal, not a decision to be made lightly. And the more I read the more excited I get. Thousands of people have undergone the knife and added metal to their skulls. And a very, very high percentage would do it again.

My emotions got the better of me for awhile though because of the rivalry of brands. I became very frustrated at the prospect of choosing a brand as the brands hate each other and make it sound you will be a big fat failure if you choose the other brand. But this is what I have decided. I don't care who you are or what you say or what white papers you are using. You can do well with ANY of the brands. I'm now convinced that I CANNOT make a wrong choice.

That being said, I'm leaning towards Advanced Bionics. Just because the name sounds cooler. Lol. Totally kidding. I'm leaning towards them because I am super impressed with the AB community and support. I'm also very excited about the new software, ClearVoice that is expected to receive FDA approval within a few months. It minimizes background noise and focuses on voice. How amazing is that? Now, what everyone in AB says is that your ability to hear music is nothing short of a miracle. At this point in my life, I do not care about music. At all. And I've voiced this to several in the AB community. Their response is singular: You do not know what you are missing. Do not discount music.

A small, very small, part of me is starting to open the door for the possibility of music. I recently remembered being in a church meeting where a video was shown of "Come Thou Font of Every Blessing." It had a full orchestra, a women's and men's choirs, evidently going all out as those watching with me did not have a dry eye. They were overcome with emotion at this video. Guess what my thoughts were. "TURN IT OFF!!!" So noisy. And loud. And clanging. And distracting. And awful. Class over, I forgot about it.

But now, a very narrow glimmer of hope says "maybe one day I can tolerate something like this and even enjoy a portion of it." I'm still doubtful. But what I appreciate is that it's a thought. 2 months ago, it never would have crossed my mind. Overall, I feel hope. Do I expect a cure to deafness? No. Do I expect to hear normally? No. Do I expect improvement of what I currently have? Yes. And since my natural hearing will continue to worsen, the possibility of becoming bionic and working toward the improvement of hearing is pretty exciting.

I'm ready now. The dread is gone. Now I feel excitement and hope.

Results

I QUALIFY! So my hearing is even worse than I realized. To qualify for an implant, you have to get below a 50% on sentence recognition in your "best aided" situation. As I'm used to lip reading and getting the majority of a conversation if the enviroment is set up right, I was not confident I would pass the test (or fail it, depending on how you look at it). I was very wrong. Without background noise, with my hearing aids, facing the speaker (where the sound was coming from), I understood 32%. With background noise, I understood 18% of the sentences. These tests were done without me being able to lip read, which means I totally qualify. I had no idea just how much I relied on lip reading.

I also had to have an MRI to determine if my physiology is compatible with an implant. It is. The MRI is not a very pleasant experience. One I will never have to repeat if I get an implant. A lot of my questions were answered today. The surgery is not as invasive as I originally thought. They make an incision behind your ear and place the internal device between your skin and skull. The implant team is all in agreement that I am an excellent candidate.

So now, the insurance game begins. Surgery costs $70,000. Insurance at this point, will pay half. So the expert will appeal my insurance to see if they will cover the entire amount. I'm hopeful!

Tomorrow

The day is finally upon me. I'm getting an MRI in the morning (which, honestly, freaks me out a little), have a 2 hour audi eval and then meet with the surgeon. The thing I want to know most is if I qualify. And of course, if I do, then I will have a whole set of questions. I've been feeling more curiousity than anything else. But now I feel a little nervous. Nervous if I do qualify. And nervous if I don't. If I do, I then have to think about actually going through with it. If I don't, then how am I going to remain in the hearing world? I'm already using so many accomodations. But maybe there are more out there I could be taking advantage of.

I'm so happy the eval is finally here. Now I'll know!

The Eval

The Cochlear Implant evaluation is scheduled!! End of October! It's a full day of appointments beginning with an MRI and hearing exams finishing up with a surgeon consult. Will I qualify to be a candidate??? Who knows! I'm a little nervous. But mostly I just want to know if I qualify. And if I do.......

Good and Bad

I'm so super disappointed in my hearing aids. I can not hear on the phone with them. At all. Not even my husband. There are so many things that have to be done by phone. The good thing is, though, that in today's world of technology, there is a lot that can be done through email and text messaging. I'm so grateful for that!

I've contacted the implant clinic. Waiting to hear back to schedule an evaluation!

Better

After going back to the audiologist for two different adjustments, I'm now recognizing that these hearing aids are helping me. It's not huge improvements, but it's slight. And any improvement is a good thing. The audi thinks it will take a few more adjustments as they are tweaked based on how I'm using them. The technology is pretty amazing and they record how I use each program. That information can be translated and help the audi know how to change them. I went to a small family gathering the other day and was pleasantly surprised to hear some of the conversation.