Change of Heart

For the last few years, thinking about getting a CI filled me with dread. What a horrible thing to implant metal into your head.

These last few weeks I have spent hours and hours researching implants. Hours. It's a big deal, not a decision to be made lightly. And the more I read the more excited I get. Thousands of people have undergone the knife and added metal to their skulls. And a very, very high percentage would do it again.

My emotions got the better of me for awhile though because of the rivalry of brands. I became very frustrated at the prospect of choosing a brand as the brands hate each other and make it sound you will be a big fat failure if you choose the other brand. But this is what I have decided. I don't care who you are or what you say or what white papers you are using. You can do well with ANY of the brands. I'm now convinced that I CANNOT make a wrong choice.

That being said, I'm leaning towards Advanced Bionics. Just because the name sounds cooler. Lol. Totally kidding. I'm leaning towards them because I am super impressed with the AB community and support. I'm also very excited about the new software, ClearVoice that is expected to receive FDA approval within a few months. It minimizes background noise and focuses on voice. How amazing is that? Now, what everyone in AB says is that your ability to hear music is nothing short of a miracle. At this point in my life, I do not care about music. At all. And I've voiced this to several in the AB community. Their response is singular: You do not know what you are missing. Do not discount music.

A small, very small, part of me is starting to open the door for the possibility of music. I recently remembered being in a church meeting where a video was shown of "Come Thou Font of Every Blessing." It had a full orchestra, a women's and men's choirs, evidently going all out as those watching with me did not have a dry eye. They were overcome with emotion at this video. Guess what my thoughts were. "TURN IT OFF!!!" So noisy. And loud. And clanging. And distracting. And awful. Class over, I forgot about it.

But now, a very narrow glimmer of hope says "maybe one day I can tolerate something like this and even enjoy a portion of it." I'm still doubtful. But what I appreciate is that it's a thought. 2 months ago, it never would have crossed my mind. Overall, I feel hope. Do I expect a cure to deafness? No. Do I expect to hear normally? No. Do I expect improvement of what I currently have? Yes. And since my natural hearing will continue to worsen, the possibility of becoming bionic and working toward the improvement of hearing is pretty exciting.

I'm ready now. The dread is gone. Now I feel excitement and hope.