Well, another evaluation is underway. But I am no closer to knowing if an implant is in my immediate future. Still waiting on my insurance to pre-authorize it. We recently found out that we are changing insurance providers on January 1st and the new provider will not cover any amount of an implant. So we have until the end of this year to get this done. No pressure, eh?
Honestly, the evaluation process this time around has been super hard on me. First, I met the surgeon. He determined I was a candidate but couldn't tell me anything about the insurance/financial aspect of it. Second, I had met with the audiologist. Really like her. However, they (don't ask who they is because I don't know, someone in the implant world) changed the tests that were required to determine eligibility. Last October, my test scores on the HINT were 19% and I was shocked. That's the test in which I wear my hearing aids and listen to sentences from a speaker in the wall. You have to get below 50% to qualify for an implant. My score, obviously, qualified me as depressing as it was to score that low. However, the tests have changed in the last year. The Audi warned me but I had no way of preparing for what would come through that speaker in the wall. I don't even know how to describe it. It was humiliating. Just sounds like static and mumbles came out. There was absolutely no sound I could make sense of. The Audi said "just guess the best you can." You have to have something to go on to guess. I just stared at the speaker willing my brain to make sense of the words. I moved closer to the speaker. The Audi said that was "cheating" and I couldn't get closer to the speaker. It was so long. It lasted soooooo long. Both ears were tested, just the right and just the left. Then the Audi said I had to do it again but this time there would be noise in the background and it was a test that got progressively harder, to the point that those with normal hearing can not hear. I knew I was doomed when it started. Again, no comprehension.
Well, obviously, I qualified for an implant. Again. But this time I felt incompetent. How can I function like I have been daily and not be able to pick up any sounds in this ridiculous test. I got a bit insecure and wanted to tell the Audi that I had a Masters degree and that my brain worked, like I had to prove myself. I kept my mouth shut. No need to prove myself. Being prideful isn't going to get me anywhere. And what were my scores, you wonder? Less than 1%. That was hard to swallow.
Then we had to talk about my expectations and my ability to rehabilitate myself. All of this and I still didn't know if I could get an implant.
I am waiting on the insurance/scheduling coordinator to get back to me about insurance approval. In the mean time, I am proceeding with the other tests, though it does feel a little bit in vain. I went and got my shot to immunize me against Meningitis. I know I am a wimp, but that was incredibly painful. It still is. I hope my arm feels normal again one day and that I can move it without wincing in pain. I am going to choose to blame the nurse on this one. I really don't think it should have hurt that much.
Also, I did the balance test. Yeah, that was fun. I don't even want to talk about that one! So after each test, I keep hoping to learn that this is still a possibility for me and that it can happen within the next month or so. Not knowing isn't exactly keeping me positive and encouraged. Thankfully I have this gi-normous support group that is staying positive and helping me in my moments of discouragement. There is a woman who works for Cochlear Americas that has been a HUGE adovocate on my behalf. I am so grateful to her. So, so grateful.
I'm hoping they can use the MRI from last year so I don't have to undergo that one again. I will have to meet with the surgeon again but I think I've completed all my part.
While driving home from the balance test and feeling discouraged, I did some soul searching. Asking myself if I really wanted to become part machine. If I really wanted to undergo a surgery. If I really wanted to get an implant. The answer was obvious. Yes. Yes. This is what I want. This is what I need and I won't stop fighting for it. The world is a hearing world and I am NOT giving it up!!
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