GICH

Today I'm grateful I can hear the blinker signal in my van (aided of course).

"Signficantly Disabled"

I'm applying to Voc Rehab for financial assistance to get new hearing aids. They sent a letter to me today informing me I am elgible for services because I am "significantly disabled." That little phrase stood out to me above the entire rest of the letter, which is a whole page long.

Really, I've never thought of myself as disabled. How crazy is that? Hearing loss has been with me for as long as I can remember, it's just a part of who I am and how I am built. I've accomplished almost every single goal I've set out to acheive regardless of any hearing limitation. I moved away from home when I was 17 to start college. I went straight from high school to a university. Graduated with two degrees and managed to serve a mission too. I underwent all the training and testing to become a licensed therapist. After licensing and establishing myself in a career, I married and began my family. My life is AMAZING. I couldn't ask for any more.

But then I remember. The hurt feelings. The tears shed. The discouragement. The awkward conversations. The isolation. The anxiety of socializing. The fear in every new situation. The panic when I've missed some important piece of verbal information. The faking it. Being misunderstood. The phone, oh the phone, such dread. The "feel like an idiot" feeling. The meetings. The constant disclosure. The withdrawn behaviors. The anti-social feelings. The hatred of background noise. The worry of adjusting to voices. The concern that technology can't keep up with me. The friends lost. The conversations that could have been.

I guess I am significantly disabled. But I'm going to fight it til the day I die! I am NOT giving up. I am going to continue to live, to risk, to be vulnerable, to serve and to love (just with a whole lot of accomodations)! And bless Voc Rehab for accepting me as a client, I am grateful.

What I Know

I'll admit it. I don't know much about cochlear implants yet. Most of what I know has come from people who have been anti implants. My deaf ASL teacher at BYU would tell us horrible stories of babies being implanted by this terrible technology that they could never remove from their brains. Family members often mention that getting implanted means you can never have an MRI or CT scan, which of course is a problem if any health issues come up. And you hear about the people who regret having it done. Who feel it didn't work for them. And then there's the scary idea of having all your remaining hearing killed when you get implanted.

Thankfully the last two years, I've interacted with several people who LOVE their implants. None of them regret it. They speak of how well they can hear AFTER rehabilitation. They all recommend cochlear implants.

I just started doing some research finally. I found out there is a way to have an MRI. So much for that myth.

Deaf?

I've never thought of myself as deaf, never. My sister insists I am. Recently another person threw it in my face too. I still don't think I am. But this morning I started thinking about what I can hear without my hearing aids in. I can hear the shower running if I'm in the bathroom. I can hear my blow dryer. And I can hear Evan when he very loudly tells me in my ear he loves me right after we turn out the lights for the night. I can't think of anything else I can hear without my aids in. Maybe I am deaf.