Super Saturday

One of my co-workers noted that I "seem different."  She says she never would have pegged me as an anxious person but that now she realizes I am much less anxious.  I think she hit it head on.  Over the last 3 years, my anxiety has increased across the board.  But I hid it well.  I did not advertise the fact that I avoided social gatherings, avoided talking to people at church and even avoided talking to store clerks or bankers or doctors or insurance agents or whoever.  But the truth must come out.  I was an avoider.  Unfortunately, I didn't realize how much I let my insecurity get in the way of giving people the chance to accomodate me.

Letting go of my insecurity of "what if I can't hear them?" has been incredibly freeing.  It no longer stresses me out to go places and talk to people.  Case in point.  This morning I went with my amazing friend, Tara, to get our Bountiful Baskets.  This was my first time.  3 months ago I wouldn't have signed up because it was a new environment and I had crippled myself too much to do anything "new."  The familiar was challenging enough.  I just was not going to even try "new."

Well, for good reason I avoided Bountiful Baskets.  They give you your produce in the gym.  THE GYM.  Gyms are nightmares for people with hearing loss.  Nothing in a gym absorbs sound therefore sound bounces, bounces, bounces everywhere but to your ears.  So I knew automatically I wouldn't hear well when I got there.  But guess what!  I didn't care!!  While walking toward the exit, a woman asked me a question.  I couldn't understand her for the life of me.  She repeated herself.  I missed it again.  I explained I had a hearing loss.  She repeated.  Finally, I got a few words so I said back what I heard "you want my trash?" She laughed and said "sometimes I don't think I speak English."  I assured her it was the gym, not her.  Bless her heart for continuing to try.  She probably regretted stopping me by this point.  Lol.  What she was asking was "Do you have room in your trash at home for this box?"  The funny thing is that I didn't.  So she just wasted all that energy and 5 minutes of her life trying to communicate with me.  But the progress for me was I did not feel incompetent.  I was fine.  It's a gym.  I have a hearing loss.  It is what it is.  As I was walking away, I realized I hadn't turned to Tara to rescue me and I didn't feel insecure about the situation.  It was a very freeing feeling.  Getting a CI is giving me a life back that I didn't fully realize I had lost.  I'm so thankful.