What I Didn't Understand

It's been a month since I have been activated!  From that first roar to now, I feel like I have come lightyears ahead.  I have a long ways to go still but I love that I am progressing with hearing instead of digressing.  Tonight, while at the computer, I could hear my daughter in her bedroom coughing.  She rarely gets sick.  I can't even remember the last time she was sick.  As soon as I went in her room, I could hear her ragged breathing.  She's definitely sick.  Poor girl.  But I can't even begin to describe how grateful I am that I can hear her sickness.

I've been thinking.  A behavior I am known to do quite a lot.  I was considered a "well informed" patient by the implant team.  But there were lots of things I didn't quite understand.  I want to list some of them here.  For the record.  For the fam.  For whoever else is finding themselves on a similar journey.

What I Didn't Understand:

-- My hearing would become "worse" before it would become "better" in some things (like speech)

-- The mechanical/robotics of sounds would work my brain like it has never been worked before.  A lot of this brainwork just happens, you don't do anything but keep the implant on and your brain just works hard for you.  But there's a whole lot else you have to do to help it along.

-- Auditory training is for the purpose of turning machine sounds into human voice, not for amplifying sound

-- Though temporary, the competing signals of the implant and hearing aid would make me incapable of my normal accomodations

-- I would feel desperate to seek out other CI recipients to know if my experience was somewhat normal

-- High pitches would make me feel crazy (Thus, children's voices are hard to listen to day in and day out)

-- That some sounds would come immediately in their clear, pure, true form and feel so miraculous that I would cry my eyes out

-- That I would make a whole new world of friends

-- That my children would be freeing themselves of the burdens of a hearing impaired mother (I am only beginning to understand how much they were burdened).

-- That my anxiety levels would heighten and then dramatically drop

-- That I would discover my 3 year old speaks in paragraphs, has a clever imagination, knows big words and can reciprocate in conversations.  And that I would begin to understand there is a richness and depth to her voice that makes my soul feel like I am in the presence of someone who is wiser than me.

-- That I would realize just how many times a day my son calls for me from all over the house.  And that his words "that's funny" would fill my soul with joy.

-- That the first month would be wonderful and awful, rewarding and discouraging, peaceful and distracting.


Here's my disclaimer.  Everyone is different.  I have heard of some understanding speech clearly from the first day of activation.  But that is certainly not the most common.  I have heard of some not understanding speech at all 6 months after activation.  But that is certainly not the most common.  There are so many variables.  Pattern of hearing loss, cause of hearing loss, surgeon's skill, device chosen, mappings, rehab, etc.  But this is my experience and I believe it's similar to many others.

Voices are getting easier.  The kids voices are getting easier.  It's literally been a "line upon line" experience with each sound building on the block before it.  I can't just "skip ahead."  Sure, sometimes it feels tedious.  But this modern miracle has changed my life.  It was most definitely the right decision.  Month 2 will be even better :)

p.s. The vibrating in my head from the high frequencies (result of 3rd map) is already becoming less noticeable!  That was fast!