Activation

The sound of the keyboard as I type is actually quite distracting.  Well, there are a lot of sounds that are distracting.   So much that I can not listen or focus on someone talking.  I'm turning around, to my left, to my right constantly to play a new game called "what's that sound?"

Today, I was activated.  I prayed and prayed and hoped and cried and wished today to be successful.  All I wanted today was to hear the beeps of the mapping (programming).

Anne, my audiologist, with a little help from April, the audi from Cochlear Americas, quickly started the mapping with doing some tests that I did not particpate in.  After a few minutes, Anne asked me to count beeps.  I was terrified.  What if I couldn't hear the beeps to count them?  The Audi's clicked on their computer program then looked at me.  Nothing.  They clicked some more and looked up at me.  Nothing.  Again and again.  My fears were starting to come true.  Then out of nowhere, a beep.  I almost jumped up.  Instead I enthuiastically declared I heard a beep.  For the next 10 minutes or so, I counted beeps.  Somewhere in the middle of that, my surgeon walks in.  I didn't know he was coming.  But I appreciated he wanted to be part of it.  Then, they turned the implant on.

ROOOOOAAAAAARRRRRRRRR.  It was like a machine came alive in my head and there was this continuous roar of a machine.  April and Anne were asking me if I could understand their voices.  Uh....no.  All I could hear was a roar, a loud one too.  And they were BEAMING.  Like I just got straight A's.  So I thought, well, maybe that's all I am supposed to do today.

Then, the roar changed.  There were tones in it.  Beep, beep, roar.  Eek, eek, ek, roar.  Up and down sounds.  Roar.  Really, I do not know how to describe it.  I was trying to explain what I was hearing and I realized the tone changes matched their voices.  So I started distinguishing a change in sound as they spoke.  Again, they were thrilled.

I looked at Evan and he spoke.  Ahhhhh.  It sounded like home.  I couldn't understand what he was saying, but it seemed so familiar.  Evan was filming it all (we'll put a clip on the blog later) and he seemed happy too.  My doctor was also filming and was asking me questions about what I was hearing.  Their voices started sounding more like bells and tones and as I started focusing in on their voices, the roar lessened.

I couldn't figure out why the roar never stopped.  There is literally no break in the sound of the roar.  I asked them why it was like that.  Guess what?!  There is no silence in the world.  There is sound everywhere!!!  Who knew????????  Every sound is contributing to the roar.  So fascinating.

April's voice was a little easier for me to make sense of.  The more she talked, the more the roar decreased and her voice started coming in.  It sounded like she was speaking through a microphone a long ways away but her voice was there.  I started distinguishing some of her words.  She covered her mouth and started talking to me.  Oh gosh, hardest thing ever!  She repeated herself and I thought to myself "it sounds like she is asking if I have children."  I very hesitantly asked if that is what she was saying.  She grinned ear to ear and said "Yes, that's what I asked."  I couldn't believe it.  These results were beyond my expectations by 100 miles!  However, when she stopped talking and then started again, I had to start all over with the beeps and tones, not understanding her.  Eventually, it became like this with everyone in the room.  If they spoke for a few minutes, I could tune in to their voice but as soon as they stopped, I lost it.

Then I put my left hearing aid in, which helped me to hear them and helped to balance out the roar a little bit.  Anne gave me a ton of instructions on using the implant.  April would pitch in from time to time.  But I was so fascinated with their voices that I just couldn't listen to their words.  Good thing Evan was there filming.  We've got all the instructions down!  April slowly started sounding like she had an accent.  It reminded me of how people spoke in Chicago when I was a missionary there.  I couldn't get it out of my head.  I finally asked her where she was from.  She replied, "Chicago."  UNBELIEVABLE!!

The last part of that activation felt like a party.  Evan and the implant team were all so excited.  They tolerated me cutting them off from speaking every few minutes saying "I hear a NEW sound!" 

When we finally left Anne's office, I had a happy heart.  A very tired brain, but a very happy heart.  This is going to be a LOT of work to tone down the roar and to focus in on voice.  But oh, my journey is no longer to silence.  I hear sound.  Everywhere.  In everything.  It's beautiful.  Even the roar.